2014 Oscar Menu

It’s almost here; the evening when I sit glued to the television ogling glittering gowns while wearing yoga pants and a Cubs’ t-shirt. Yes, the glamour, the glitz, the glory of Matthew McConaughey in a tuxedo (shirtless, please? “It’d be a whole cooler if you did.”)

It can only be … The Oscars.

Each Academy Awards season, I try to concoct a meal based on the Best Picture nominees. This year, I said I wasn’t going to – too busy, scrambling to finish the manuscript for another novel and wiped out from work/kids/the looming threat of a dog everyone in my family keeps lobbying for … I had all the excuses ready and I just said not this year.

I lied. Credit goes to my husband, who despite LOATHING award shows was appalled when I declared 2014 to be the year I didn’t make my Oscar meal. Declaring, “If I’m going to sit through your stupid 3 hour show, we’re not half-assing it,” he then proceeded to download Nebraska from Netflix and proposed his own Oscar menu:

Captain Phillips: Fish sticks from Long John Silvers
Dallas Buyers Club: steak
Nebraska: corn on the cob
Gravity: Pop rocks
Philomena: English biscuits
12 Years a Slave: “cotton” candy
American Hustle: a wig
Her: blowup doll
The Wolf of Wall Street: fried wolf

I had to admire his ingenuity, but Long John Silvers for the Oscars? Not on my watch, pal. Not to mention the difficulty of obtaining fresh wolf meat in Dallas this time of year. Sure, we could probably pick up a blow-up doll and a wig off Central Expressway, but I’m certainly not dining with one. Though it does have a certain Wolf of Wall Street ring of excess. . .

So, having decided against rubber dinner companions or semi-frozen seafood, I had no choice but to come up with my own Oscar menu. Admittedly, it includes a lot more components I don’t actually have to cook – which I feel is a fitting nod to JLaw’s domestic skills in American Hustle.

Without further ado, may I present the 2014 Oscar Menu:

Starters
Champagne (Wolf of Wall Street)
Samosas (Captain Phillips)
Irish cheddar (Philomena)

Entree
Salad with Dorothy Lynch dressing (Nebraska)
Garlic bread (American Hustle)
Pizza (Her)
Llano Estacado TX cabernet (Dallas Buyers Club)

Dessert
Moon pies (Gravity) & blackberries (12 Years a Slave)

Bon appetit - and keep your fingers crossed for good ol' Matthew Sunday night -- because wouldn't it be awesome if 2 years in a row, the Academy Awards went to guys who got their start in Dazed & Confused?

"You just gotta keep livin' man, L-I-V-I-N."