New Year's Eve is almost here, which means it's time for me to make yet another list of resolutions I have no hope of keeping. That's how it usually goes anyway, but this year I've decided to try something different. This year I am actually going to do everything on my list. Some of these resolutions, like finishing 3 books, will be challenging to keep. Others, like drinking wine and writing questionable genre fiction, will not.
1. In 2014 I will drink more wine. Because I am nothing if not committed to flooding my body with antioxidants. Kale, shmale. Cracking open a bottle of Cabernet is much less work. Besides, I tried that recipe where you are supposed to bake little snippets of greens in the oven and fool your children into thinking they are chips ... really? Last time I checked, children weren't stupid. And until the fine folks at Frito Lay can find a way to package kale into a Dorito, I'll stick to the vino.
2. In 2014 I will rewrite two books, I will finish one sequel, and write at least one of my "other" projects. I've neglected the regular writing to crank out a few less-than-appropriate stories as my alter ego. This year, I'll do them all. While somehow not losing my sanity or my day job, because oh yeah, I got one of those. But, glass half full - writing at night will keep me sane while I toil in the cube by day. I'll be kind of like Batman, only without the cool costumes or piles of money.
3. In 2014, I will eat more pecans. Because I like them. Also, they are the state nut of Texas, so it's sort of patriotic. Which would make some kind of bizarre sense if Texas were its own country, but many people here already think it is.
4. In 2014, I will vacuum less. This will be difficult, only because I rarely vacuum now -- but somehow I will manage.
5. In 2014, I will finally figure out how to use punctuation correctly between quotation marks. JUST KIDDING. I will never figure that out. Like my seven-year-old's math homework, it will remain shrouded in mystery.
6. In 2014, I will get my bangs trimmed more often. At least frequently enough that they remain actual bangs and the rest of my hair does not reclaim them - and so that my very nice, but very blunt hair stylist from Aghanistan stops telling me that "without bangs, you look like housewife."
7. In 2014, I will do more push-ups. Because you never know when you're going to get invited to an impromptu arm wrestling contest, and I want to be prepared. Also, because someone has to pick up all the soccer gear, 30,000 stuffed animals and overturned furniture that magically appears every day in our house. And clearly, it won't be anyone I birthed. Or married.
8. In 2014, I will learn what Spotify is - and how to use it. Or at least how to use it properly in a sentence.
9. In 2014, I will find someplace that carries the old Atomic fireball jawbreakers and I will order a big old mess of them. Because they are my favorite non-chocolate candy ever. My first Easter in college, my dad and stepmother-at-the-time sent me a shoebox full of fireballs and Black Mountain Breakdown by Lee Smith. To this day, whenever I smell cinnamon I think of Southern literary fiction. But I haven't had an Atomic fireball in years - and what if I got hit by a car and never, ever got to have one again? Life is too short, I will buy fireballs.
10. In 2014, I will not let silly things like full-time jobs or fear of failure keep me from writing and I will remember every single rejection because it will only make me stronger. Either that, or I'm just Forrest Gumping it and praying that life really is like a box of chocolates. I just hope it's a box of sea salt chocolates.
11. In 2014, I will buy more lipstick. Because ... why not?
Happy New Year!