The Getaway Girls New Orleans Top Five Reasons a Flesh-Eating Scavenger is a Bad Valentine
1. Sharp, bloody claws mean someone desperately needs a manicure and it’s not you. Guess who’s getting the spa certificate this year?
2. If you think getting a table is tough now, wait till your date eats the hostess. Forget dinner reservations at that cute little bistro you’ve been eyeing – you can’t even risk Red Lobster. That’s okay, you think – lots of couples opt to stay at home on the busiest restaurant night of the year, which brings us to Reason #3 . . .
3. Nothing kills a romantic meal at home like homicide. And when you bring home a scavenger, your date thinks you’re on the menu – and that’s not a euphemism for anything sexy unless you’re into having your leg gnawed off. In which case, I guess we know who doesn’t need a copy of Fifty Shades of Grey this year.
4. Flowers and candy? Think again. You can’t trust this guy to cross the street without killing someone – you think you can trust him to pick out anything decent for Valentine’s Day? Please. He’ll show up at your house with a chewed up foot and expect you to ooh and aah like it’s friggin' Godiva. I’m so over it.
5. And the number one reason a flesh-eating scavenger is a bad valentine – he’s bad in bed. Sure, he’s hot and hung like a hippo, but seriously? Necrophilia is so 2012.
Want more? Check out my book, The Getaway Girls: A New Orleans Tale of Monsters, Mayhem and Moms or my video for The Getaway Girls New Orleans Rap