Sunday, February 17, 2013

After seeing that some virus thingy sent an annoying tweet about losing body fat in 2 weeks from my Twitter account, I just wanted to clarify that wasn't me.  In case you don't believe me, may I present:

The Getaway Girls New Orleans Top Five Reasons I would Never Send a Dumb Tweet About Losing Body Fat

1. Seriously?  If I knew the fastest way to lose body fat, I would live on red wine, dark chocolate with sea salt, and spaghetti.  Instead of trying endless diets where I only eat soup.

2. If I knew the fastest way to lose body fat, that’s such a kick-ass nugget of knowledge I’m sure I would find a way to work it into every single thing I wrote.  Like instead of flesh-eating scavengers, maybe my book would feature a fat-sucking incubus.  Which sounds awesome, but Melissa Marr’s already sort of covered that in a terrific short story called “Flesh for Comfort” in the book Faery Tales & Nightmares.  Which I got for Christmas. I love short stories.  Flannery O’Connor and Dorothy Parker rule.

3. I’m not tech-savvy enough to tweet anything with one of those super short “bit.lyz whatever” links.  I’m really not.  It took me two weeks of tweeting before I figured out you could actually put URLs into a tweet because I thought oh man, this is gonna be longer than 140 characters. Two weeks.  Yeah.  Someday I hope to decode Tumblr.  Or at least figure out what the hell it is.

4. A tweet from me at 9 pm on a Saturday?  Please.  At 9 pm on Saturday night I better be tucked under an afghan watching Downtown Abbey or Dallas. (Damn right – in our house, we watch both the big Ds).

5. I hate changing passwords. Because somebody sent out those lame tweets I had to change my password on Twitter and I can barely remember any password, so I. Did. Not. Appreciate. That.  I realize the smart thing would be to keep track of them all somewhere but I don’t, so every time I try to download a song from the iTunes store I am so screwed.  Like, come on Apple – I just want that damn Imagine Dragons song, do I have to give you some bizarre combo of uppercase letters, numbers, and my percentage of body fat?

Which, as we all know, is zero because I know the fastest way to lose body fat.

Happy Sunday!  Check out my book, The Getaway Girls: A New Orleans Tale of Monsters, Mayhem and Moms.  Or my video, The Getaway Girls New Orleans Rap.

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