The Getaway Girls New Orleans Top Five Reasons I would Never Send a Dumb Tweet About Losing Body Fat
1. Seriously? If I knew the fastest way to lose body fat, I would live on red wine, dark chocolate with sea salt, and spaghetti. Instead of trying endless diets where I only eat soup.
2. If I knew the fastest way to lose body fat, that’s such a kick-ass nugget of knowledge I’m sure I would find a way to work it into every single thing I wrote. Like instead of flesh-eating scavengers, maybe my book would feature a fat-sucking incubus. Which sounds awesome, but Melissa Marr’s already sort of covered that in a terrific short story called “Flesh for Comfort” in the book Faery Tales & Nightmares. Which I got for Christmas. I love short stories. Flannery O’Connor and Dorothy Parker rule.
3. I’m not tech-savvy enough to tweet anything with one of those super short “bit.lyz whatever” links. I’m really not. It took me two weeks of tweeting before I figured out you could actually put URLs into a tweet because I thought oh man, this is gonna be longer than 140 characters. Two weeks. Yeah. Someday I hope to decode Tumblr. Or at least figure out what the hell it is.
4. A tweet from me at 9 pm on a Saturday? Please. At 9 pm on Saturday night I better be tucked under an afghan watching Downtown Abbey or Dallas. (Damn right – in our house, we watch both the big Ds).
5. I hate changing passwords. Because somebody sent out those lame tweets I had to change my password on Twitter and I can barely remember any password, so I. Did. Not. Appreciate. That. I realize the smart thing would be to keep track of them all somewhere but I don’t, so every time I try to download a song from the iTunes store I am so screwed. Like, come on Apple – I just want that damn Imagine Dragons song, do I have to give you some bizarre combo of uppercase letters, numbers, and my percentage of body fat?
Which, as we all know, is zero because I know the fastest way to lose body fat.
Happy Sunday! Check out my book, The Getaway Girls: A New Orleans Tale of Monsters, Mayhem and Moms. Or my video, The Getaway Girls New Orleans Rap.